Title? Pick it yourself.

I used to float on a four inch wide, six foot high beam. 

My toes would curl around the edges as I danced, 
tumbling and leaping and twirling and telling my story with 
the placement of fingertips and the curves of my body.

I used to step into an eight by eight ring without borders,
Where I leveraged my body as a weapon, a high speed bullet. 
I might have been the littlest one but I also went by Thor.
Rain may be calming, but close behind it comes thunder and lightning. 

Now I pull on my Timberlands with little lion tails for laces.
My incisors are visible through the grin on my face, it's all
fun and games and great times until you fail to recall
I'm a dancer and a fighter through and through.
Some days I throw my head back and remember how it feels to fly.

Mayumi

I recently engaged in a series of hypothetical questions with someone in between bites of some of the best dishes I have ever consumed, all enhanced by amazing company. Some questions were trivial, while others forced me to choose between letting down walls and revealing myself or redirecting the focus to the distracting way in which my armor gleams in the moonlight. There are as many, if not more, benefits to floating through this world like the balloon you lost hold of that strained to reach the sun as there are to the balloon tied down by feelings and strings. 

I constructed a followup hypothetical question, but rather than asking I let it rest on the tip of my tongue... savoring it's flavor, curiosity growing which each passing thought of the potential aftertaste. 

"If you could relive any moment in time from your past, which moment would you choose?"

I never asked the question, it seemed unfair to request an answer when I wasn't ready to share mine. That being said, everything feels safer and further removed when you're behind a computer screen. When your eyes are strained and your fingers are resting on asdf jkl;, when the city is asleep and everything stops spinning in dizzying pirouettes... you feel empowered. 

I can envision the moment so clearly in my mind's eye and hope my loose command of the English language can do it justice. 

I don't remember the day or the date, 
now wishing somehow I would have known
the importance of capturing that moment in time.
I stumbled into those church pews between
philosophy and math and awkward encounters
where across the room an ethereal spirit
sat on a smooth, ebony piano bench.

She loved to sing and when she closed her eyes, 
when her fingers floated across the keys, 
when she put her head back ever so slightly
exposing and elongating the curve of her neck,
and shared not the notes from our courses
but the more tender notes from her heart
it was as if the heavens allowed mere mortals 
a glimpse into something profound and pure.

It was uncomfortable and unbearable to be
in the presence of such beauty, such grace. 
The magic was followed by that shy smile,
by that look seeking validation and truth, 
by an introversion that only drew you in further,
inciting an intense desire to protect someone 
so special from the terrifying demons that 
knocked, beckoned so persistently at her door. 

She radiated warmth, empathy, and passion
and yet... in that viewing she was frozen, 
An angel trapped within a hardened shell.
Buried six feet under an ocean of salty tears,
I can still hear the way she said my name
and on the days when I can quiet my mind
I can still hear her song in the midnight breeze.

Check List

I woke up entwined in your arms, 

Laptop check badge check book check
my body curled to match the shape of yours
And it took all of my willpower to leave 
the warmest embrace, an unbelievable connection.

I pleaded with my alarm, demanded more time
lips brushed across your forehead, your eyelids, your lips
Socks check tights check dress check
But nothing could stop the plane from leaving
Or the world from spinning rapidly around us.

I collected the pieces of my self strewn across
the apartment, tied down and scattered by
the magic of it all and braced for an "until next time".
Phone check wallet check ticket check
Venturing into the dark, you pulled me into your arms.

While the sandman caressed your eyes and coaxed you
back into whatever dream I was keeping you from, 
you told me I was the worst, but I thought that was my line.
A four word phrase that summed up how dizzy I felt.
Note check boots check taxi check

I left you underneath those sheets, remembering the times
we were tangled underneath them together. 
Locked the door behind me because I knew
without doing so leaving would have felt impossible
And I plastered a smile on my face and left... 

Heart ... check?

Biology

An electric current runs through my heart,

the spark brings my body to life and 
I dance to the pulsing metronome. 
The beat that structures my existence 
ultimately leads me to my final destination. 

Endorphins run rampant through my brain,
my central oh so nervous system, pituitary gland
in overdrive in response to external stimuli. 
I'm not all that funny, all that unique, 
but more or less a tangled web of nerves.

Sensations of pain spike through my chapped lips.
I tend to bite down, trying to contain myself 
and the laughter spilling out during
the points in the conversation that pleasantly
surprise me with their warmth and wit.

Sound waves vibrate my ear drum,
A chain reaction of bones and fluid moving, 
a compound, domino effect exciting my nerves. 
It's the biological effect of a conversation,
a moment in time shared between two people. 

S.Z.H.

You told me not to cry, not to worry,

and yet we both knew it was the end.
It's cruel the way the universe seems 
to place those I love so far away...

It was not really unexpected, and yet
if my reality is my own social construct
can I construct one with you still in it?
Because I do not think I am in a place 
where I can even begin to comprehend.

There are what, five stages of grieving?
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression,
and an acceptance I am struggling with. 
It feels like Novocain's dull, gray numbness 
coating the world one dose at a time. 

Continents apart, I see your legacy in your
children, grandchildren, great grandchildren. 
It's in the intelligence, compassion, and mirth;
It's in the stubbornness, empathy, and love
of my aunts, uncles, cousins, and nephews. 

All I can hope for, all I can dream of
is that my life is as full of love and laughter. 
That I find a partner who I will rest beside
when I enter my final, eternal slumber. 
That I find a way to leave more than I take, 
And that I am remembered by the ripples I created. 

I missed you yesterday. I miss you today.  
And I will miss you tomorrow.

Rest in peace, Baba.