April 24, 2022

united states of violence

there were 15 mass shootings in

the last 10 days
I usually leave my apartment by 9 am
to meet my team
I can't remember when I last ate
today I took the 7
there's 6 of us organizing safety
workshops for hundreds
I just needed 5 minutes of breathing
for me to not disassociate, to be
able to string together more than
3 words - I love you
I love you I love you
just in case I leave you
I take 2 trains to safety
I take 1 train to my partner
sometimes I count 0 to 10
and back to know if I'm awake.

I don't always remember the
nightmares but I hope for the dreams.

"be soft and kind but take no shit" ~ the fearless queer

I used to think I was
porous through and
through, until I
became velvet
wrapped in barbed
wire, an arts and
crafts project born
out of continued
necessity to survive

(in)visibility

the work is also in our offices, in our
classes, in our bodegas, in our homes, in our
relationships, in our selves.

it's not recorded in photos or videos or
social media. it's not glorified, is oftentimes 
difficult, and can be hard to discern if it
makes a difference.

it is too frequently gendered, too often
deprioritized for the fight "over there," too
often silently deadly, too often invalidated
oftentimes by the same people chasing the
perception of fickle external validation from
the bloodthirsty crowds of social media.

to care workers. to queer and femme folks.
to those who move behind the scenes. to
those who skill share and support, to those
who are navigating balancing self and
community care. to those who speak up. to
those who speak up. to those who speak up.

sending muck love and care and hope your
way. may you have spaces or people or
experience within which you can breathe
for moments before diving under water
again. may you know that being asked to
scream while under water and not drown, is
more than anyone should have to withstand.
may your smile be as warm as the sun on
your face, and may we all eventually find a 
land together where we can rest amongst
sunflowers and the morning dew on grass.