I have earned the right to not have to
teach the valleys and curves of my body.
Through the physical scars, the ones that
remind me of the times I have fallen, and
through the invisible scars, the ones that
remind me of the times I have risen, and
through the white hot, searing pain that
accompanied each and every one of them,
I have paid my dues and settled my debts.
I have earned the right to not have to
be patient and understanding and giving.
Technicolor explosions now color my view
of intimacy and relationships and trust,
and I navigate the path forward through
a warped rear view mirror distorted by,
or should I say haunted by?, ghosts of
a past I have tried to hide and run from.
Call me Little Miss Too Fucked Up To F(x).
I have earned the right to not have to
remove the walls I built brick by brick.
They were constructed to create space,
to stand the test of time and at night when
Forrest Gump is running through my mind.
A facade of a welcoming marigold sun is
really just the front end of a practical set,
practical in its ability to keep hidden the
earthy tones nestled behind the glare.
I have earned the right to not have to
live without mistrust and apprehension.
If insanity is doing the same things, the
same people, over and over and over again,
then I am ready to escape Shutter Island.
Positioned in the blocks, waiting for a gunshot,
I am ready to sprint at the sound of danger.
What may be prescribed as fear could easily
be ascribed as the roots of twisted logic.
I have earned the right to not have to
be fully transparent or an open novel.
You can't skim and digest at first glance
without spending time drowning from words
swimming in tiny pirouettes overloading
your primary visual cortex with imagery.
To borrow a quip from a city of brotherly love,
a Monet and I both look well composed
until magnification proves we are a bit dotty.
I have earned the right to not have to
be so liberal with how I ration out my heart.
I will march into battle for those chosen,
otherwise I kindly and strongly recommend
you sidestep out of the path in front of me.
Because when all is said and all is done,
I have earned the right to a fierce love for
the ones I let in, the people in my community.
I have earned the right to at least that.
Through the physical scars, the ones that
remind me of the times I have fallen, and
through the invisible scars, the ones that
remind me of the times I have risen, and
through the white hot, searing pain that
accompanied each and every one of them,
I have paid my dues and settled my debts.
I have earned the right to not have to
be patient and understanding and giving.
Technicolor explosions now color my view
of intimacy and relationships and trust,
and I navigate the path forward through
a warped rear view mirror distorted by,
or should I say haunted by?, ghosts of
a past I have tried to hide and run from.
Call me Little Miss Too Fucked Up To F(x).
I have earned the right to not have to
remove the walls I built brick by brick.
They were constructed to create space,
to stand the test of time and at night when
Forrest Gump is running through my mind.
A facade of a welcoming marigold sun is
really just the front end of a practical set,
practical in its ability to keep hidden the
earthy tones nestled behind the glare.
I have earned the right to not have to
live without mistrust and apprehension.
If insanity is doing the same things, the
same people, over and over and over again,
then I am ready to escape Shutter Island.
Positioned in the blocks, waiting for a gunshot,
I am ready to sprint at the sound of danger.
What may be prescribed as fear could easily
be ascribed as the roots of twisted logic.
I have earned the right to not have to
be fully transparent or an open novel.
You can't skim and digest at first glance
without spending time drowning from words
swimming in tiny pirouettes overloading
your primary visual cortex with imagery.
To borrow a quip from a city of brotherly love,
a Monet and I both look well composed
until magnification proves we are a bit dotty.
I have earned the right to not have to
be so liberal with how I ration out my heart.
I will march into battle for those chosen,
otherwise I kindly and strongly recommend
you sidestep out of the path in front of me.
Because when all is said and all is done,
I have earned the right to a fierce love for
the ones I let in, the people in my community.
I have earned the right to at least that.
