I Choose To Be F**king Happy.

Once upon a time,
I settled for my heart lamenting.
Crying over a love lost,
a bond broken and betrayed.

Once upon a time,
I decided I would run away
from everyone and everything.
The intimacy of hearts touching was frightening.

Once upon a time,
someone reached out
through the darkness
through all of the defenses I had so carefully constructed around this glass house.

Once upon a time,
I turned it down.
I crushed it,
because I was scared of what I felt and for who I felt it and all the vulnerable parts of myself.

And in this time,
in this place and in this moment.
I am in a fairytale.
And he says,
"Te amo de aqui hasta las estrellas."

Letting Go of the Laughter and Tears

I've missed you

                        Since you broke my heart
                        While I am collecting the pieces
                        And I'm trying to put back the parts.

                                                I've loved you

                       Throughout the entire journey
                       Through the days and the nights
                       And as a woman in black, I have been mourning.

                                                                        But it is time

                       For me to move on.
                       To become more careful with my heart
                       To realize what we had was gone.

                                                                                                To heal.

Resolutions

I have never given much thought to the spur of the moment resolutions I create at 11:59 pm, December 31. They usually do not amount to much. Last year I "kept it simple" and resolved to run a marathon (I hate running) and to learn how to play the guitar (but I did not want to pay for music classes). During this past summer, however, I made a to do list of sorts that I have been keeping up with. It started with me imaging my ideal sense of self (you can take the woman out of sociology, but you can never take the sociology out of the woman), and then I identified the qualities that Anees possessed that this Anees does not.

After returning to my white board off and on throughout the days, I came up with a pretty lengthy list. When I felt as if everything had been written down, I took a step back and examined who I was and who I wanted to be. What I would like to see in myself are the qualities that I treasure in my friends and family.

I don't have the list with me now, but here are some of the things I have resolved to do (and can remember).

I want to be:
          a dancer
                              kinder
                                                   fearless
                                                                       more trusting

                                                                                           and braver.