Why Can't We Get Our Shit Together?

A call and response of two hearts breaking, 

a hand reaching out in the dark looking
for answers or rope or even a light switch. 
But instead she finds a clammy hand, 
damp from brushing my own tears away. 

Why can't we get our shit together?

Because capitalism and fear and ignorance
and the way we're neurologically programmed
and the environmental factors that lay on top of that. 
Because of individualism and egos and pride.
Because apparently kindness isn't easy
enough for people to practice it and hate 
is easier than active listening and empathy. 
Because hugs are questioned and kisses 
are traps and smiles hold double meanings. 

Why can't we get our shit together?

A call and response of two hearts breaking, 
for the angels and the devils and those still
around navigating through everyday terrors.
You are the love of my life, my friend, my partner, 
the one I look up to, the one I look towards. 

And for the life of me I do not know the
why and the how and the what and when.
And for the life of me all I would like to do
in this moment, in this thought, in this pain
is embrace you and sit next to you on the floor
pomegranate juice dripping onto paper towels
and a worn pack of fifty-two cards until 

We get our shit together.

6/2/16

I feel terribly guilty, but all I can think of 

all I can repeat is... it was not you. 
It was not you trembling to the tune of 
a metallic bang bang and that thump. 
You were not cowering in fear in our home, 
the place where we grew and fell together,
wrapped in insecurities and ambition and
those times we slid while running in the rain. 

I repeat to myself that it was not you and
the breath I held deep in my lungs today 
releases into a long grateful sigh of relief.
Because it was not you, it was someone else. 
They could have been another's first love, 
or they could have been a stranger, or
they could have been someone's... someone. 

And today, for them, my heart paused and
remembered the pain of saying goodbye. 
Because while it was not you it still was
a bear trying to navigate through the woods.
What seemed like a functional ecosystem 
was actually a trap with razor sharp teeth.