Breathe

I run towards the roar of the ocean, 

Without fear and into the unknown.
The shells slice my feet while
The cool waves bring me to release. 

I throw my head back at the moon.
A creature of the night, I might be 
the threat you were warned about. 
Or I could be the ghost in your dreams. 

I fly with the grace of the wind,
under my wings it lifts me higher
into ecstasy, around pain, and
through the ashes and dust. 

I dance to a thunderous drumbeat, 
I am a daughter of storms,
sometimes tears leading to clarity
and sparks leading to rejuvenation.

I am wild and free and alive. 

Let's Talk

                    I know you.

Not like the back of my hand, more like the front. 
The part exposed to the world that can still tell tales and lies if you question it.
Like the souls in my feet, the ones that whisper no matter how much you want to you can't float away. 
Like the smile on my face, usually authentic but sometimes plastered there and left up to interpretation because image is everything right?

                                        I have no idea who you are. 

You're summers of joy and leaps of faith and persistence, you're heartbreak and "darling I love you,"
But you're a stranger, another shadow in the dark unaccounted for and vaguely real. 
You're great risk, great reward in a frigid wind tunnel whose gaze may already be cast in some other direction.

                                                            But I would like to get to know you.  

The Apple

I left the City of Angels to escape Lucifer, 

he was too beautiful to be true

and even his wings couldn't soften his fall.

I ran from the City of Angels for a piece of fruit,

without knowing if it would be forbidden

or if it would be my saving grace. 

The fruit turned out to be sweet,

it led me to an orchard where

the angels outnumbered the snakes. 

And in this orchard I found my beat again,

the thump, thump ... thump, thump

that I dance to in the storm.

I ran toward the Big Apple, feet blistering,

3,000 miles away from my angels

unsure if our wings could span the distance. 

I came to the Big Apple scarred and scared, 

wondering who else would be cast

from the rolling hills of Westwood.

So I took a bite, juice staining my lips

And I learned to fly across the heavens again. 

I Am...

I recently completed my year of service with City Year. I can easily say that it has been one of the most challenging years of my life, and at times felt like the high school experience I never had nor ever wanted. At times, I felt like I had lost a piece of my "self," and it was an incredibly disheartening feeling. However tomorrow is a new day, filled with new promise and a new chapter of my life.

As Senior Corps Members, my peers and I participated in a mid-year retreat after returning from winter break to recenter and brace ourselves for the final half of our program. At this retreat, we were asked to write a poem based on Tennessee writer Jo Carson's book Stories I Ain't Told Nobody Yet that was tailored to our year so far...

I made a "U" throughout the country,
and added the "CLA" when I came to receive an education.
I am from Paulo Freire, bell hooks, Mignon Moore, Terri Anderson, Jennifer Brand and those who changed my horizons, my perspective, my life.
I am from dialogue cannot exist without humility, and no I won't settle for a heteronormative, patriarchal, discriminatory society.

I am from a school in Rosemead. I am from Arlington Heights.
I am from Temple Intermediate School and Arlington Elementary.
I am from a group of students I fell in love with day after day.
I am from prepositional phrases, "put the Nintendo DS away," and "no you can't play with my phone."
I am from silent protests on the cold, hard concrete and the countdown to the egg drop.
I am from hiding in the savanna from lions, stretching to connect with underwater creatures, and watching life size dinosaur puppets with terror.
I am from Project Bruin, salt art, and writing autobiographies.
I am from my Project WILD monsters both big and small. I am from exploring life with future leaders and Brandon Lee and Diem Le.
I am from late night planning sessions and dim sum weekends.
I am from that history book that made a bridge to physics and WWII.
I am from the creation of a sustainable mobile library.

I am from everywhere and nowhere.
I am from snow tunnels, parched throats, and visiting the happiest place on earth. I am from the cold and the heat and the places in between the couch where the remote would fall while watching strong female leads with my dad and rottweiler. I am from insomnia and late night adventures, escapades, and escapes among lovingly worn pages. I am from wiping the sweat off my brow and fighting my way to victory. I am from card games and pomegranate seeds on a dirty floor by the air conditioning.
I am from hunger and thirst, but I never felt starvation.
I am from a habitat of Bruins, but I come from a nest of Eagles that lost their way. I am from midnight strolls in Paris and broken hearts in Apt 411 on Kelton, a street as dark as some of my thoughts.

I am from Los Angeles Unified School District where blank walls submit requests to be reinvented. I am from Haunting Melody and Sweet Rhapsody and the shade of my teammates.
I am from late nights, early mornings, and "I've made a commitment and I'm strong enough to make it to June."
I am one of many seeking to tear down prison walls.
I am from "it's going down we're yelling timber" and #uptownproblems #I'maddictedtoStarbucks.

I am from the laughter of my grandfather and the love of my grandmother. I am from the optimism of my father and the resilience and persistence of an immigrant.
I am from the beautiful voice of Mayumi and the "Anees I can't believe how far we've come" of my best friend.
I am from the god of thunder and lightning, "it's not easy being green," a cuddly porcupine, and Beijing.
I am from everything and nothing at all. I am Anees Tyaba Hasnain, and don't forget the Syeda beforehand.

It's Been a While

I am embarking on a road trip across the country to begin a new job in the Big Apple. From Syracuse to East Windsor to Grapevine to McKinney to Westwood to New York City, it tickles me how I have made a giant loop throughout the US. Each stopping point has marked a different chapter in my life. New York, where I was born, a result of two star-crossed Orange lovers. New Jersey, where I tumbled across yards and walked with dragons and ants alike. Texas, where I pushed myself to the limit and spent afternoons playing cards while eating pomegranates. Los Angeles, where I found my chosen family and changed my surname to Community Service Commission. And now New York, ______________________________________.

As I close the door on Los Angeles, I'm leaving without being able to say goodbye because I refuse to. My friends and family will be on my mind and in my heart for the rest of my existence. Geographical distance will not stop me from loving you all up close and out loud, but it may stop me from convincing every restaurant we go to that it's your birthday. Boo.

Y para mi ranita? Este poema es para él.

I miss picking avocados and the "eat this not that" debates in the grocery store.

I miss "Te amo de aqui hasta las estrellas" and enchiladita

and the comfortable silence of a long car ride. 

I miss let's go to that one place in Echo Park for tacos

and automatically cheering for the Puerto Rican queen on RuPaul's drag race.

I miss hey how was your day can I pick you(r spirits) up

and the giant stuffed teddy bear that takes up too much space on my bed.

I miss the lowkey trips for coffee and the highkey adventures at the happiest place on earth

(you thought it was Disney, but I thought it was the aviaries at the San Diego zoo).

I miss that time I was scared, I scared you in the middle of the night,

and let's see how cold the snow is.

I miss dancing as bunnies and owls, karaoke, and kbbq.

I miss not another chicken Cesar salad and traveling to the place of its invention.

I miss the smeared lizard on your back and your passion to make a difference and oh yeah did you hear about what Manny did today he licked a prize. 

I miss warming my hands against your skin and the notes from my secret admirer. 

I miss trying to make it through Star Wars and for being a bird Angel is the worst wing woman.

I miss you'll watch Frozen and I'll watch Pacific Rim and all the times we ventured into other worlds together.

I miss you.