November 11, 2017

Where to Even Begin

I tried looking for you in the corners of my apartment.
I made a list of what I found:

- 1,000 ear plugs, many of which seemed to grow legs and wander around 
- roughly 7 polaroids of you caught off guard, moments when you were the most beautiful to me 
- 2 XL shirts, snatched from a friend just in case you needed them 
- 2 pieces of jewelry, both selected by you with such thought and care that they don't burn my skin but burn my heart to touch
- 1 sweater you let me borrow to keep me warm, I loved how it smelled like you
- 1 pair of socks with eggs on them; a gift from a friend, a nod to my affection 
- 1 painting purchased only 2 months ago... had I known then that the subject's gaze would no longer remind me of strength and beauty but instead heartbreak and loss would I have still loved it?
- 1 photo from that same trip which may prove to be too hard to keep... all I can remember is how you kissed me in those warm waters, our late night walks, how distinctly at ease I was around you
- and countless memories of conversations of laughs of naps of meals of realizing that even if I scrubbed the earth of these items my mind and heart would still betray me by things found when I remembered I still needed to turn inwards and try and fail to gather you up there too. 

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