6/2/16

I feel terribly guilty, but all I can think of 

all I can repeat is... it was not you. 
It was not you trembling to the tune of 
a metallic bang bang and that thump. 
You were not cowering in fear in our home, 
the place where we grew and fell together,
wrapped in insecurities and ambition and
those times we slid while running in the rain. 

I repeat to myself that it was not you and
the breath I held deep in my lungs today 
releases into a long grateful sigh of relief.
Because it was not you, it was someone else. 
They could have been another's first love, 
or they could have been a stranger, or
they could have been someone's... someone. 

And today, for them, my heart paused and
remembered the pain of saying goodbye. 
Because while it was not you it still was
a bear trying to navigate through the woods.
What seemed like a functional ecosystem 
was actually a trap with razor sharp teeth.