Another year has come and gone, and I have the battle scars to prove it. In my wildest dreams, (most of which revolve around lions chasing me in the savannah, my teeth falling out, and people failing their interviews), I could have never predicted the whirlwind that would be 2014. Too often I felt as if I could only observe from afar, as my mind could not and refused to comprehend what has been my reality. There are few things stranger and more uncomfortable than spending days floating above your life, picking everything apart with a fine tooth comb to deduce what led you to your highest highs and your lowest lows. But with time and distance, all things become memories and stories shared around a fireplace. They become chuckles, tears, and lessons learned, ultimately strengthening your heart and your mind in ways you could have never imagined.
Happiness and loneliness are choices you make, they are not states of being bestowed upon you like birthright crowns.
I don't believe in the "your glass is either half full or half empty, pick a side and stick to it" bullshit. As a general practice, I find dichotomies to be tall tales told by those wishing to grossly oversimplify life. Could you imagine looking at an old photograph or a memory, striking out the gray parts to only focus on the black and white bits? Didn't think so. Your glass is is a result of all the times you filled it to the rim and all the times you depleted its contents. Everything in my past has led up to this moment here with you, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Why not choose to embrace it? Why not revel in each and every moment for what it is and not what it should be, or what you want it to be?
We are bound to hurt and to be hurt, yet you should grant others the opportunity to gain your trust.
Coming home to news describing why the person you had shared some of the most intimate parts of your self with is now rocking an orange jumpsuit is horrifying (for all the reasons you just assumed and because orange looks good on very few people). Later learning that there were friends, using this term loosely for now bear with me, living right next door (literally) who knew for months on end the progression of events that led up to it is even worse. It's a revelation that forces you to hit pause and reevaluate all of the relationships in your life. It starts with you wanting to throw everything away and move to a sloth sanctuary. It progresses towards an attitude that maybe you deserved it. It evolves into an opinion that it's okay to be reserved, but that it takes as much if not more strength to be vulnerable than it does to hide beneath armor. And it concludes with the theory that consistently the risk of trusting others is worth the reward. And after this particular metamorphosis, you try even harder to not cause others the same pain.
Love your friends and family up close as life permits, but always love them out loud.
There is absolutely no way to predict what tomorrow will bring, and it is a grave mistake to underestimate the importance of letting the people in your life know how much you love and appreciate them. I learned early on in life that conversations can quickly go from a cancellation of dinner plans to a one sided chat in which you will never again hear a response or their lovely, quiet song. That distance is just a number of miles or kilometers, and doesn't mean that they are any further away from your heart. Consciously, and purposefully, let those you care about know through your actions, and when you build up the courage your words. *Disclaimer* It may make for some "squishy" times, but some of my favorite things are squishy... Ok, maybe not. But you get the point.
Sending my love to all of those who have claimed a piece of my heart throughout the years. And also wishing for banana pancakes, gluten-free banana pancakes because breakfast. (Listen, if you haven't picked up by now that I'm a bit quirky I'm not really sure what to say...)
xoxo, Thor
