Release

I have been unable to write anything decent for a while now, despite having a self-imposed "one horrible poem I will probably regret publishing publicly a week" quota. It is partly due to lack of inspiration, but it is largely due to lack of motivation to let my thoughts and feelings flow through my fingers as I search for the right letters, words, and punctuations on the keyboard before me. I wonder if poets and lovers and dreamers had this same problem with the typewriter, a device that rewards the emotion and soul you put into it with an experience full of sensations.

the sound of each key imprinting itself upon the paper ... 
the sight of vulnerability as it's constructed in written form ...
the feeling of a tangible product that breathes life and existence, a physical representation of joy and sorrow and fear and anticipation and hope...

I have been unable to write anything decent for a while now, because I have been holding my breath. It is partly due to the shifting ground I find myself standing on, but it is more largely due to internalizing factors so far outside of my control that they might as well be determined by how the stars are aligned. I wonder if it is possible for your mind to suffer the same way from asphyxiation as your brain and body would, if somehow the pieces of your heart not responsible for pumping blood to your extremities can also die from a lack of oxygen. 

the sound of the beat that drives you slowing down to a barely there tempo...
the sight of silver stars you admire when you emerge quickly from darkness...
the feeling of hands and arms and legs and bodies intertwined through the holes in the wall between you...

I have been unable to write anything decent for a while now. 

So please, do not mind me while I try to take another breath. 

A deeper breath, one I can finally release. 

Is Magical Synonymous for Fleeting.

Sighs and sharp intakes

Of breaths you will never hear,

Windy City blues. 

One for the Books

I announced my arrival as I entered this life, 

A lavender door contrasted by iron streaked bricks. 
A dancer in mime's clothing, over time I learned
to raise my hand, my voice, and the spirits of those around me. 

As an artist might draw upon that sleeping dog on the porch, 
Or a musician on the unbridled joy captured in a child's twirl, 
I revel in the world I find myself perpetually lost in. 

But when it comes time for me to bid farewell,
May I leave as a soft sigh etched into 
the barren trees and the coursing river and the song of a robin,
quietly observing the passage of time.

You

I spent about four hours today reviewing and grading scholarship applications submitted by a fresh batch of baby Bruins. Teenage bears who, for the most part, attempted to express all the pieces of their respective selves they felt comfortable sharing in one thousand words or less. Rubrics and instructions were distributed, outlining in seemingly objective but quite subjective detail what was considered "ideal" ... photocopies of deceased and processed trees that somehow were supposed to help you identify the perfect student. 

I'll probably never interact with these students, or if I do I won't be able to identify them as the ballet dancer, the one who quoted Lisa Vanderpump, or the one who strove to challenge cultural and social norms that oppressed her throughout childhood. Nevertheless, I have been thinking the following as loud as I possibly can on the slim hope that somehow stating my intentions to the universe will translate into tangible ripples.

To you, the applicant, and to you, the reader, you are worth so much more than the sum of your arbitrarily decided parts. You are worth more than a metric, more than a sliding scale, more than any number of points. You, you as your whole, you as your whole self, you are beautiful. 

I am a tiny potato, and I believe in you. You can do the thing. 

Mirror, rorriM

I am optimistic. .evian ma I

I am creative. .egnarts ma I

I am persistent. .nrobbuts ma I

I am reflective. .detrevortni ma I

I am a dreamer. .citsilaernu ma I

I am passionate. .lanoitome ma I

I am unafraid to laugh. .suolucidir ma I

I am biased towards action. .tneitapmi ma I

I am driven and ambitious. .cilohakrow a ma I

I am a daughter of the world. .dehcattanu ma I

I am my reflection(s). .(s)noitcelfer ym ma I