It's always a bluff

Remember when you saw me?
Not with your eyes, 
you always looked away. 
I never quite understood why,
but given we're taught

love is blind

love at first sight

love is love

it's no fucking wonder 
I mistook another male gaze
for any sort of meaning. 

Remember when you touched me?
You lifted me up, grabbed 
onto some part of myself 
I was unaware of. 
You pulled me down, held
onto some part of myself
that I can't reclaim. 

butterfly kisses 

finger painted tattoos

plane tickets around the world

I think if I were to
pick apart all of my bones, 
sift cartilage from walls, 
strength from a sucker punched gut, 

I could find the "before."

I'm just not sure where I belong
or where I fit
or how to get out of my head
in the "after."